Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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