The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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