i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
