if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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