Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
