Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
