i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Farmville is her only friend.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
