R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
