Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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