omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
