You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
