I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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