I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
