Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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