i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
