how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
