dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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