If i come over, it means nothing
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
