; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
