I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I love having hate sex.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
