I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
