She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
