I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
