Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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