I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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