I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
