He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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