im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
