put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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