My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hippo gnu deer
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
