laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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