You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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