Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think people are normalizing furries
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
