Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
