Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
