So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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