I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
