She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
