i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
