My brain says no but my pants say off.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
