Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My friends, they love my intelligence
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
