I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
