She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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