ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
