i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
