2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
