I just threw up on my dentist
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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