i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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