She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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