What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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